GOOD GOD! Why would I do that!
by viflow
Summary: Arthur doesn't cuff him over the head. He doesn't do all these because he needs to distract himself, because he's never-ever - he isn't mad! - has had a bizarre impulse to grab Merlin and kiss him senseless. Ew. Just the thought of those not so sinfully plump lips touching his own, makes him sick with... Yeah... (Season3 ep 07 related/Canon/ MERTHUR) Arthur is sooo not in love.


_Just a small drabble, because Arthur is so Cute in this scene! Season 3 ep 07 The Castle of Fyrien._

* * *

They were on their way to The Castle of Fyrien to rescue Gwen's brother. Because Arthur loved Gwen and it's what you do when you love someone. Isn't it?

They were riding through a forest with Gwen next to him, Merlin and Morgana close behind.

''I used to be afraid of these woods,'' Arthur confessed to Gwen, because she looked like a scared, little dear.

''I find it hard to believe.'' Gwen replied.

''My father'd bring me here when I was a boy. It seemed to me like every fallen leave, every puff of wind was a ghost. You just get used to it in the end.''

''I don't think I'll ever get used to it.'' Gwen answered, still sounding a great deal frightened.

Arthur tried to reassure her because Arthur is a man and a knight and a Prince and he is brave and strong and chivalrous and it's how you treat a lady in distress. So without thinking, he said. ''You don't have to . You got _me_.''

Then realises what he just said and his blood runs cold, his stomach drops, the breath catches in his chest.

 **_Merlin!... Merlin must have heard it!_ **

Arthur's head whipped back over his shoulder, his eyes landing on Merlin's face, searching. ' _Now, why in the Hell did I do that, why did I turn back?'  
_

And it wasn't because Merlin bestows on him a wide and bright smile with a sparkle in his eyes that the knot loosens in Arthur's chest, it feels lighter...and Arthur could breathe again.

By no means does Arthur's heart beat speed up and a rush of warmth doesn't fill his chest because Merlin keeps smiling at him, and Arthur can't help but smile back. _No, not at all._

Arthur turns back, rolling his eyes, a small smile lingering at the corner of his mouth. A second later he realized in horror that his tongue must have a mind of his own because, without his permission, his mouth blurted out words which suspiciously sounded like a bloody, wretched hell of an explanation.

''What I mean _is_ : in the event of an attack we watch out for each other.'' And he swallowed hard, biting back a curse.

Obviously, it's not like Arthur should be bothered to explain anything he chose to do or say- to Merlin. Or that Merlin had any right to object or judge him. Not like Merlin didn't know about his feelings for Gwen, even so, not like he wasn't the one who kept pushing Arthur about to be more open and spend more time with her. Anyway even if he didn't, it's no business of his with whom or where or how Arthur spends his time with.

There is absolutely no reason for him to take into account Merlin's opinion or listen to his advice because it's sure like hell it doesn't matter to him, not the least. He definitely doesn't rely on Merlin's advice, and his counsel. _Not at all._

It's not even a question that it means nothing to him if Merlin is disappointed or unhappy with him. By no means does it bother him if Merlin doesn't smile when he comes in and wakes Arthur, and his face is blank and neutrally respectful and stern and there is no sparkle in his eyes and he is quiet and he doesn't insult him. Sure as it can be, it doesn't make Arthur feel sick and hurt and angry and there isn't a weight in his chest. _In no way it should ever matter to him._

And it's not like Arthur wants to be a better man or he wants to do things, sometimes silly things a Prince shouldn't do- that would make Merlin happy- because he wants Merlin to look at him with his bright Merlin look, the way he usually looks at him or as he looked at him just now. _Nope._

And if he was about to shout down a servant or on the way to be especially nasty with one, it wasn't because Arthur could see Merlin's disapproving looks in his mind,that he stopped short and controlled himself. Because doubtlessly, Arthur wasn't pleased if he earned a pride, blinding smile from Merlin which confirmed that Arthur had done something right. _Ooh, It's just ridiculus, why would it please him?'_

Because Merlin is his manservant and he is the Prince.

And what a poor excuse of a servant he is. Merlin is odd and annoying, disrespectful and aggravating and wrongheaded, and constantly insubordinate, and blatantly disobedient. He is clumsy and lazy and completely incompetent with almost everything he does.

And Arthur just really doesn't want to think about why he is enduring Merlin's dreadful performance.

He most certainly doesn't allow Merlin to get away with his insolence which sometimes skirts to the edge of treasonous. And sure as hell he doesn't like his cheeky comments, his surly retorts and when Merlin rambles on and on with a wry grin, or a cocky laugh or an exasperated huff. _Because he doesn't._

Unquestionably he doesn't take Merlin along on patrols, on his quest, or hunting- when he usually scares away everything which is alive within a mile radius with his clumsiness- because for some reason he enjoys his company. And Arthur positively doesn't want to be close to him all the time, and without quite knowing why he wants to be. _Of course he doesn't._

And he most certainly had never remotely been angry and anxious when Merlin disappeared for days, without his permission - Mind you!- because just as he said, Merlin is utterly insubordinate. And Arthur has never felt wrong in his own skin and he hasn't constantly been distracted, and there wasn't a cold in his stomach because he was worried about his idiot, stupid manservant, who couldn't look after himself and had the tendency to stumble over on his own legs. And there wasn't an unsettling, gripping feeling in his chest, mounting with every passing hour in Merlin's absence, because he was thought of Merlin dying, or injured or in danger wasn't like a punch to his gut every single time. It didn't take his breath away and didn't shatter his word just thinking about it. _Now, why in the hell would it?_

Because Merlin is a terrible person and Arthur is obviously destined for a life of martyrdom. _Oh, well_...What _is his life._

Of course, when Merlin finally turns up, it's not that he throws objects at him because he's so relieved he doesn't know how to handle it, and he hardly manages to stop himself from grabbing Merlin and pulling him into his arms and never letting go. He has absolutely no desire to touch Merlin or to bury his nose in Merlin's messy, dark hair and breathe his scent in. _Good God! Why should he want to do that?!_

And finally and most importantly and categorically, he doesn't think that Merlin is gorgeous and amazing and wonderful and beautiful. For God's sake! He looks ridiculous! He looks like a mouse with big ears! And Arthur definitely doesn't think it adorable. _Nope. Not at all._

And Arthur's eyes don't wander unintentionally to Merlin's face every once and a while, and the world doesn't shrink down to just him and Merlin when he doesn't seem able to take his eyes off him. Because he just so loathes that face and ...hmmm... those eyes! .. And his chest sometimes isn't so overwhelmed with affections for Merlin that he feels like it will explode with it. _Of course not._

And it's not because It's all very strange, and sort of nerve-wracking, and confusing and Arthur doesn't know what to do about it that he finds himself making life difficult for Merlin. He doesn't tell Merlin to redo jobs he's just finished. He doesn't drop a list of impossible and unpleasant chores on Merlin. He doesn't tip water on his head, doesn't shout and insults and mocks him for stupid things. He doesn't cuff him over the head. He doesn't do all these because he needs to distract himself, because he's never-ever - he isn't mad !- has had a bizarre impulse to grab Merlin and kiss him senseless. _Ew. Just the thought of those not at all luscious lips touching his own, makes him sick with... Yeah..._

Uhm..Right. Well...Beyond and any doubt, he does all those because Merlin already takes more time and attention than Arthur could spare to keep him even vaguely in line. Of course it's not like he's spoiled Merlin. And not like he doesn't ever want Merlin, not to cross that line. It is absolutely necessary to maintain a wall of dignity between oneself and one's said manservant. Yes. Just like that.

Oh, and specifically, there isn't a ridiculous streams of warm working its way under his skin till his heart- just now- by thinking of him. _No. There isn't._

 _Yes. Insults ! That is._

''Morgana, I think I can lie on your protection?'' Arthur asks suddenly over his shoulder.

''Of course!'' Morgana answers with a laugh.

Then with a twitching smile at the corners of his mouth, Arthur frowns and turns to Gwen, ''And Gwen you'll look after Merlin, won't you ?'' he asks with a long suffering sigh.

And then it's not because he doesn't can help it or if it's important to him to see Merlin's reaction, that Arthur turns slowly again, and his gaze lights on Merlin.

And he doesn't feel happy and his smile doesn't turn into a big, soppy grin with a dreamy edge around the corner because Merlin looks into Arthur's eyes. And Arthur isn't captivated by the blinding grin on Merlin's face and the emotions in his stare. Because obliviously Merlin's beaming expression is just utterly ridiculous.

And... The sun doesn't shine brighter and The birds don't sing louder and Arthur isn't just hilariously and irrecoveribly in love with his manservant.

 _No. He isn't! IS... HE?!_


End file.
